Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
