How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
