im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
