hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
