You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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