No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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