My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
