Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
