He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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