I wish my penis had an off switch
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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