We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
