I just found puke in my bra..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
