I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just found a bag of teeth...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
