She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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