just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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