I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
