I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's the barista slut.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
