Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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