Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
