so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
