I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
