he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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