i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
