I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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