i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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