GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize