I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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