Your mouth is God's brothel.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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