I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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