I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize