you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
