we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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