And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
