it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize