Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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