guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
