So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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