he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
