i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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