Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
