I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So much rum. So many feels.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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