Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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