At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
