youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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