Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
