Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
