shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
