My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
