yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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