no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize