1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
