i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
