it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
