I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
