Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
