my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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