Barsexuality is the new black.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
