Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
