It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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