im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
