My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
