I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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