Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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