you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Non-Jews are for practice
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We have started to decorate penises.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
