your room smells of hookers.
And success
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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