You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
