He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
