I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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