girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
