i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
