its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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