well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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