You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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