Where did you get a picture of my penis
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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