My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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