I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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