No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
