I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
