four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
